View Single Post
  #16  
Old 12-18-2012, 05:42 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,887
Default

I am disturbed. What do you mean you don't know what's up with the guy? He's told her.
  • You and GF have told him you are Open, and she is free to pursue a casual sex relationship with whom she pleases
  • He had told GF he prefers someone who is more girlfriend material, he prefers to do the chasing, and he's not into casual sex.

You sound amazed that he prefers this. He's got the right to prefer what he prefers in his own relationships.

As for HOW you communicate that you are in an Open Relationship? Dude, you said that like THAT?

She arranges a meeting for you to verify to him that you are indeed in an open relationship:

You: "Did [my SO] tell you I'm ok with the two of you having fun?"
Him: "yes she did, yes she did, very nice."
You: "yeah, take off your clothes and get it on"
Him: "yeah, I'll take advantage of that, sure."
And now you are worried he could think that you are a tool? You are worried about your own emotional well being? Why aren't you more worried about how your speech could lead to hurt for your GF? Her physical well being?

Let's say this one is a decent man who would not hurt her. Fine. Worst that happens is that he thinks you are a tool and she's a flibbertygibbet. No skin off your nose -- not everyone is up for Open relationships or gets them -- swinging, polyamorous, or otherwise.

What if next time she crushes on someone it's a weirdo? What if he's some creeper/stalker/rapist? And you talk to him like that. How has YOUR talking style INCREASED her personal safety when she's with the next crush dude ALONE on a date? Or has your speech DECREASED it?

Could you see how talking like could put her in harm's way?

You have practically held the door wide open for weirdo to foist unwanted attentions on her. And she “ought” to be ok with it because hey, she has a crush and likes him right? And she's into casual sex right, so there's nothing wrong with weirdo sexing her up, right?

Ack!

You could take more care in your words. Something more like

“My GF and I are in an Open relationship. We are both free to date others and let it grow to wherever it may lead. For the record – my being ok with her having the freedom to develop other relationships is NOT me being ok to her getting hurt intentionally or thoughtlessly. Catch my drift? I expect you to treat her with respect should you and she decide to develop something.”
I hope this guy isn't a creeper. Sigh.

I'd suggest not worrying about this guy any more and considering revising your communication style for how you let other people know you are in an open relationship instead.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 12-18-2012 at 05:50 PM.
Reply With Quote