Hi Lady M:
Let me say first I haven't read this entire thread, just your original post. I'm sure there've been some good solid points made, but I want to address just the original problem.
WHY THE F*** did your sister grab your husband's cell phone and invade his privacy by reading his text message?
Excuse me, but I would have kicked her ever-loving a** right there! Not her business, not her husband, not her problem!
And for her to then JUDGE YOU for your honest, open loving relationships, after admitting to having lied and deceived her now-husband because it was EASIER!??!!
I'm sorry, but if she were my sister, I really think I would have broken out a big industrial sized can of Whoop-Ass and used it all up on her. But maybe that's just me . . .