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Old 12-18-2012, 02:55 PM
Numina Numina is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 139
Default Another wrinkle:

Another wrinkle:
Chipmunk has been having an unacceptable attitude towards/about Wolf.
This started just after she started getting over the email from me.
First she was pointing out the mess Wolf makes, and leaves around the house. Then She started on aggressively suggesting what she terms "tough love". She told me that we should not allow Wolf to make ramen as her late evening snack because Wolf doesn't clean up her bowl, and leaves it on her computer desk at bed time. The first time I just nodded at her, but basically ignored it. Well except I told Airyn about as he wasn't in the room at the time. I told him that she's only bring this up because of the email. Airyn's said that at least she's commiserating with him now instead of saying that Wolf is just a kid. I point out that Wolf is just a kid, and that she get into trouble for these things. That she looses privileges (like computer time) for not cleaning up after herself on a regular basis. The second time I tell her good luck with that, and, Airyn tells her that isn't punishing Wolf it's punishing him. Wolf still has to eat, and if she can't make her own ramen then he has to make something else for her instead. So her next suggestion (third time) was that Wolf not be allowed to use bowls since she's not willing to clean then. I laughed at her and asked how was Wolf supposed to eat if she can't use a bowl. Airyn suggested that Wolf eat out of the pot instead. I glared at him and tell him that's not a solution.

Then Monday morning I'm getting up and ready for work (around midnight). I'm just walking into the kitchen, and Chipmunk tells me that we shouldn't allow Wolf to use cups any more as she has again left her cup out on her desk. I get rude, and tell her I'm not doing that Wolf is 12. A minute or two later she leaves for the bedroom. I tell Airyn again that Chipmunk is only saying this because of the email she received. That if she keeps on I'll be telling her that I can treat her how she wants me to treat Wolf. I can come home to Chipmunk's dirty dishes in the bedroom, and tell her she can no longer use cups, or bowl, and I can take her laptop away as well if that's what she wants. I tell Airyn that she needs to back off. He tells me to calm down and let it go. I tell him ok, I haven't even had a cup of coffee yet.

After work I still find that I feel the same way. So it's not lack of coffee, or fatigue. It's something that has to be taken care of. Airyn and Chipmunk walk to her job, and I leave about 10 mins later so I can meet up with Airyn and walk home with him. On the way home I tell him that he needs to talk to her about this. That her attitude isn't cool, and that she's digging herself a grave telling us how to discipline our kid. He say that last time her told her that we aren't willing to destroy our relationship with Wolf over dirty dishes. I also tell him that we aren't abusive parents and that telling a kid they can't use cups and bowl is unreasonable, how is she supposed to eat and drink if she can't use the dishes? I tell him that for someone who's told him that she doesn't want kids cause she thinks she'd make a poor mother she has no room to tell us how to raise Wolf. That we've been doing fine for 12 years I think we can handle it. He agrees and says he'll talk to her. I tell him that the best time for him to say something will be the next time Wolf leaves something out and Chipmunk says something to him about it. I say that I'm assuming she says something to him first before bring it to me. He again says he'll take care of it. I tell him I want to be sure that he doesn't put it off. I tell him I was rather sharp with her that morning about it and that it will only get worse if she comes at me again. Then I tell him that it is basically a guarantee that Wolf will leave either her food bowl or a cup out again tonight.

This morning I hear nothing about Wolf's dishes, so I'm hoping they had that talk, but they are still a sleep so I'll have to wait to find out.

I also told Airyn that Chipmunk needs to watch it with getting rude at Takara and calling her uncouth. That I can and will do the same to her if she keeps on. Again I reinforce that he needs to talk to her about these things now. I'll be reminding him today, and telling him that there won't be another email from me 3 months from now. These have to be cleared up now not later.

I see this as Chipmunk being spiteful/vindictive over the email she received. I also view this as a problem that Airyn has allowed to crop up. If he had talked with Chipmunk about each item on that email as they came up, instead of waiting for me to get fed up with it then this situation wouldn't be happening. He should also be backing me up when I say I'm not doing one of her suggestions. If she is making those suggestions to him he should be telling her up front that she's being unreasonable, and unrealistic.

I looked back over some of the emails I wrote to Airyn (and didn't send) and noticed several comments in early September about his issues with the state of our place. So from that I know he has had an issue with Chipmunk's mess for at least three months before I sent her that email. I knew he and I had talked about it multiple times, I just didn't realize for how long he had been complaining at me about it. I knew I had commented to him that I didn't like how Chipmunk talks to him since some time in October. Basically the only person who these issue were "new" for was Chipmunk. I could have brought them to her sooner, but really it was Airyn's complaining that pushed me to send the email. Well that and his inability to talk to Chipmunk about how she orders him around. Up till I sent that email I had only pointed out to him that he was complaining to the wrong person, that it is not my mess we are cleaning up (yet again). I had told him every time that he should start talking to her about how he prefers a neat organized space and ask her to pick up her things. He refused saying he can't do that that I have to let him deal with it his way. I told him that if that's how he feels then he needs to stop coming to me with his complaints cause I'm tired of telling him the same thing.

So this time I was very firm about him talking to Chipmunk NOW about this issue before things get worse. We'll see how this goes.
Bi-sexual female

Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).

No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.

Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
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