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Old 12-29-2009, 06:15 PM
faraday faraday is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 40
Default I don't like my girlfriend's girlfriend

Hi!
So Iíve been in non-monogamous relationships for about 6 years now. And I happily live in an open triad. We are temporally long distance but hope to be moving in together this summer.

Some history, Iíve been with my boyfriend for over four years and with my girlfriend for about two. We all used to live in the same city but she moved last summer to go to grad school. She is doing an intense one year masters program and we are both in the middle of applying to schools for mfa and PhD programs.

My boyfriend and my girlfriend (who are together) normally hit some rough patches when new people come into her life. It hasnít been a hard issue for me. But distance is making it harder on all of us. Recently she started dating a woman, she has dated women in the past and it hasnít been an issue, but I donít like this one.

I feel stupid; there is nothing wrong with her. She was very nice when I met her, I donít think she has any malicious intent or anything I just didnít click with her and I feel really resistant to her. When my girlfriend shares cute stories about her, I get angry for no reason. Weíve talked about it. Iím not asking my girlfriend not to date her or anything like that I just donít understand why I donít like her.

My boyfriend likes her fine. My girlfriend is into her, but I just donít like her and I donít know why. It feels strange to me.

For some more back story Iím not at a very sexual point in my relationship with either my boyfriend or my girlfriend Iím starting to work thru some of my sexual issues around intimacy. I love sex, but once I get close to someone I get freaked out by it. I would much rather have sex with people I donít know as well. Not that my girlfriend and I have ever had a very active sex life. We work in the same field and we love each other deeply but we have never been to sexual (That was mostly because of me) boyfriend and girlfriend still have a very active sex life when they get to see each other. My boyfriend isnít dating anyone else right now and Iím not either. Part of me not dating is trying to figure out what the hell is going on with my owe sex drive. Plus it is very hard on my boyfriend if Iím not having sex with him and I can go out and have sex with other people. So Iím not actively looking for someone.
So our girlfriend is far away and having an active sex life (not just with this woman but with a couple of guys as well and at least had sex with another woman and they donít bother me) while boyfriend and I arenít really having sex with anyone, not even each other. That stuff happens and it doesnít worry me too much.

Sorry this is rambly and not making too much since. But to sum it up, I donít understand why this one woman is rubbing me the wrong way. There is no real issue that I can point out, itís just when I hung out with her I didnít click and then the more time I spent with her the less I liked her.

I have talked to my girlfriend about it. But I donít know what else to say. Iím not asking that she changes her actions. I just donít know how to deal with this emotion.
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