Scary Thought - Are Polys Tools?
I had the scary thought today, that maybe a poly person who permits their partner to enjoy relations with other(s), is really just a tool, and vice-versa.
from the Urban Dictionary:
"Tool" - One who lacks the mental capacity to know he is being used. A fool. A cretin. Characterized by low intelligence and/or self-esteem.
I say this, because of the reaction I got back from a casual guy-friend when I told him and my SO, that they can play with each other sometime. He is a very handsome guy, even looks a little like Tom Cruise. Anyway, he kind of smiled, like "yeah, I'll take advantage of that, sure." It made me feel like a tool. And I can't seem to rationalize my way out of that now. On the one hand I am employing compersion, because my SO is enamored by the guy, and so I said "so go have fun." But on the other hand, the response I got back from the dude, was somehow condescending or something. I'm having trouble fully processing it. But I felt like a tool, in that moment. The guy is so handsome and cute looking, charming, and Alpha all at the same time, that he obviously has had the life-relationship experiences to know every angle there is. And when this came up, he didn't miss a beat, to seemingly know exactly what was going on. That I am a tool. That is how I processed it. Wonder what everyone else's thoughts are?