What I think I want
I am new to polyamory. I was introduced to it by an ex who was polyamorous about a year ago. I looked into it a little but didn't find any forums for it ( I don't think I looked that hard)- and more or less assumed she'd be good at guiding me and if there was anything I'd need to know she'd tell me. I now know just how many things are wrong with that viewpoint, starting with the word "assumed".
I started looking into it more a few months ago, I think february or march, found that even if I wasn't poly myself I loved the basic ideas- the importance on communication, honesty, etc. They should be valued and taught more for every relationship, monogamous, platonic, business, etc. My partner got awkward about it, and still is, because they don't think they could ever be okay with me being with someone else- and are still paranoid I'll leave them for it, even though I'm still insistent that I won't. And I mean that...
But I recently found polyfamilies.com and it sort of clicked. The way one of the writer's put it, that they wanted a nest, sounds right for me. I don't know if I want multiple people to be in a romantic relationship with, that's actually a bit irrelevant in a "If it happens it happens, if it stays platonic that's fine" way. But I want a family like that.
You know how people want a big family, lots of kids, while some people only want one or two, or don't even want any? I feel like that with the adults. I still only want a maximum of one biological kid of mine, and to adopt any others (if the other people wnat more biological kids, well, they can work that out- one birth is enough for me), but I like the idea of a non-traditional family with more than two parental figures who love and trust each other as a family themselves- whether it's blood relatives, close friends, or a polyamorous family.
And I don't really know where to go from here. I don't know if my partner'd be any more okay with that, or if it's even possible for it to happen. I also know that you can't expect the perfect person/people to fall into your lap just by saying "I want this". But that's what I want.
I'm not sure what the point of posting this is, it might just be to get it out on paper... or html.