View Single Post
Old 12-17-2012, 08:55 AM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 467

Thank you, you three, for your repsonses!

Toodles -

She should either not date him in the first place, if she can't deal with the fact that you're going to be upset, or she should take the consequences and be willing to help you out, because you've helped her out by not slapping the veto rule on this guy, because you don't believe that's right.
I think that's basically what I'm trying to get through to her. I wouldn't want a veto situation. I want her to to have what she wants. But if he feels like a marathon for me, she's got to expect some sore muscles and recovery time. She likes analogies - maybe I'll try that approach with her.

How can you give a time frame for how you will feel? Especially when she couldn't even stick to a tiny two week time frame of not dating?
It's interesting that you put it that way. Yes, it does feel that we need the opposite thing and when it comes to me meeting her halfway, I had to go to my unsafe place and drop my request about her not dating. I had to shorten the time I needed to give her the faster pace that she needed. Yet, when I need a slow pace for myself, whilst ceasing to ask her to change her behaviour, she cannot peacefully manage it.

It's good that she tried to help you over the summer. But what? She thinks that some talking is going to make everything go away? Long distance relationships are hard. Especially when you are the one being in one country and then another country. Does she ever come to see you, or are you the only one with your life in upheaval?
I only go to see her. She has a husband and a child and cannot arrange to leave them to come over to me. I'm lucky to get to spend time in two wonderful countries and I love the opportunity. But yeah... she doesn't really get that it does mean my life in upheaval. She doesn't understand that it does take time for me to adjust every three months - she's never done it, so to her, it should just be one fluid transition with no other emotions.

If she was thinking about you, she'd bite her tongue and say take all the time you need. If she said that, you'd feel her love and you'd probably be ok a lot faster.
I think maybe you're right. But, it seems like patience is something that she can't change about herself. I was very surprised this summer about how patient she was being. I had the girlfriend that I'd always wanted. I guess being that patient was extremely difficult for her, since she's now pressing me to hurry it along.
Me: 32f, evolving

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." ~ Buddha
Reply With Quote