Developments: Part 1
Friday was the roommate comment, Saturday Airyn spent his time out as a couple with Chipmunk, and didn't spend time out with me as a couple or as a family.
The following week:
Monday on the way to Airyn's photography class i tell him about the email I'm writing and he agrees to read it, and offer his advice/suggestions.
Tuesday we take Chipmunk to get her first Tattoo, A piece of Art Airyn drew for her. He's excited to have his art on another person. She's excited to be getting her tattoo she had Airyn draw it up a couple months ago. It's a good day, everyone is getting along, and I feel uncomfortable shattering that with the email so put it off for later after getting Airyn's idea on it.
Wednesday I sent Chipmunk that email
Thursday Airyn and Chipmunk spent the whole day out together with a few moments here and there at the house.
Friday Airyn and I argued about the email. Me telling him that he should have been talking with Chipmunk about these things as they came up instead of me sending her that email. And then we argued about Fridays being just me and him as much as possible. Meaning that Chipmunk should not be making plans for the two of them on Fridays at all. It started with me strongly suggesting she find something to do out of the hour for several hours before she has to be to work. Airyn Trying to make this suggestion seem unrealistic, me sticking to it. In the end we decided to go out ourselves the next Friday.
Saturday Chipmunk is calm, making a B-day cake for her step-dad, and spending most of the day with her family. Airyn and I actually get some awkward quality time (for the first time this week).
This past week:
Monday, Airyn says he wants to spend some time with me, then a couple hours later when we can he changes his mind saying he needs to work on a school project. I received a message from History, and she and I message back and forth for a little bit. Airyn starts quizzing me about being mad at him for him deciding to work on school stuff. Than he decides to lay down with me, but it feels rushed (to me) and as if he's coming to me because he feels obligated, So nothing happens, and we argue. He's got only a very short time before he has to leave to get Chipmunk from work, and he points this out which only solidifies my response.
Tuesday, Airyn cuddles with me for a few mins at my bedtime and tells me that after Monday night he's just going to wait to lay down with me till Friday telling me that I obviously need some quality time, and maybe spending Friday together will help.
Wednesday, Chipmunk is off, Airyn and I have talked about going out to get coffee, but Chipmunk gets ready so I tell Airyn I'm not going.
They get back and Airyn tells me Chipmunk doesn't know how to handle me not going out with them. I tell him it's easy if she going I'm not, If she's not going then I'll go. Wednesday, her day off, she can go. That evening Airyn starts making a spreadsheet showing where he spends his time, and asks me to set up some calculations for him. Till now he has adamantly refused any suggestions that include him scheduling time with me, or Chipmunk, or any one else for that matter.
Thursday we are all in the kitchen Breakfast, and coffee. Airyn and Chipmunk talking about Chipmunk getting to visit with her grandmother next time we go visit Airyn mom (they are only a few hours away). I subtly try to find out how we are going to get Chipmunk to her grandmother with out her introducing Airyn as her boyfriend and me as a roommate. From what Airyn is saying we will have Wolf with us too, so it sounds like I'm going up there with my family, but can't be part of my family. He's not getting it so I say it point blank. Chipmunk isn't telling her family about us, and I'm not going over there with my family and pretending like I'm not there, don't exist, or not part of the family. Chipmunk leaves the room, Airyn and I argue.
This is where things get more interesting.
Airyn is telling me that it's not a plan yet, that its several months away, that this could have come up later in a month or two months. I tell him that if I don't say anything then no one will think about it. That Chipmunk needs to think about what she is asking me to do and actually talk about it. That I'm not sitting in the car while she introduces him as her boyfriend and ignores my existence. That I'm not doing that again, that the roommate things is a very sore point for me, and that he should have seen that from the moment it happened, and all the conversations he and I have had since. That if he didn't want my comments then he should have had that conversation in private. I told him I'm done being considerate, and ignored. Things calm down and we move on. Friday he and I have plans to go out between 11 and noon a be out for several hours. Chipmunk is aware of this, and is just staying at the house.
Then he pulls up the Spreadsheet that I have added his calculations too, and we work out how it should look based on how this week has been going so far, and what the up coming plans are. Chipmunk says she doesn't like his spreadsheet. I don't comment other then to help figure out what time is spent doing what where. Airyn up till know has said he can not and won't schedule time. Now he's showing that he is willing to change this attitude. Airyn tells me that Chipmunk doesn't like the spreadsheet because she feels she'll be losing time with him. I tell him I don't much care if it makes her uncomfortable that he really needs to see that what I have been saying is real, and start working with me to change things. He tells me that everyone knows I'm not getting time. I tell him this isn't true that they have both continued to act as if I'm being unreasonable (I give him so recent examples). I tell him that Chipmunk should be losing some time alone with him, that he needs to be working at being my partner. He asks me if I learned anything or saw anything unexpected in the spreadsheet, i tell him, "No, I've always known That I have been getting the short end of things." And I tell him that i hope the two of them seeing it laid out like this will help to move things in a more positive direction. I also tell him that I see the plans we have for this weekend being a good start at repairing some of the damage.
Thursday night, Friday morning (I'm at work) Airyn tells me they were up late talking. About the roommate comment. This is what he tells me:
Chipmunk says that she should be able to go out and tell people that Airyn is her boyfriend, that I should not have thought otherwise. Airyn tells her that my issue with the roommate comment wasn't about her calling him her boyfriend its that her decision and the response when questioned shut me out. It left me no place by Airyn side, or to be at her store as a family. Even though we are well known as a family. She also talks about deciding who Airyn will be "out as a couple" with before leaving the house so we can still all go out as a group. They also talk about long outings when to switch off and such.
Friday Airyn is really tired from being up so late, and doesn't want to wake up. We get up start on coffee, and head out to half-price books for coffee, and book browsing later then we planned. On our way to Half-price Airyn is telling me about the conversation with Chipmunk the night before. Talking about being able to go out as a group, and deciding before we leave how things will roll. I tell him at first that I don't think I'm up for trying that again right now. He continues explaining. That if it's my day off then he's out with me, If it's Chipmunk's day off then he's out with her. That if we both have off we'll have to figure things out before we leave. If it's something for Wolf then He'll be out as a family with me and Wolf. I tell him that this is sounding like something that could work, and that I'd be ok with trying this out. He then tells me that Chipmunk is going to talk to me tonight after she gets home from work about her job. He asks me to be calm and just to listen to what she's going to say. I tell him I'll try. He asks if I want to hear it from him first so I can be prepared. I ask if he thinks my knowing will make it easier for me to just listen. He says maybe, and thinks about it for a while. Then he tells me that Chipmunk has decided that she is prepared to deal with her co-workers. That she doesn't like that I feel I can no longer go up there. That I won't shop in her store any more. They have talked about what to say. That we are all really good friends, or that He and I are best friends from high school. She has decided that if anyone asks for further details she will decide what to tell them based on who they are, and how comfortable she is with that person. Either way she is willing to allow me to openly shop as a couple with Airyn, or as a family with Airyn and Wolf.
Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).
No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.
Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married