I am definitely experiencing that pressure sensation and I'm sorry that things didn't work out with your ex. It is exactly as you wrote that, i wasn't being pressured but I was creating the pressure in my mind. I've definitely communicated it to my partners and when I'm not in the mood I let them know.
I've been home for 3 days now and we haven't had penetrative sex but we've just played with each other and climaxed several times. I am working on quieting down the doubts and worries in the moment. what has helped a lot from being on this forum is hearing from people that this is not horrible abnormal and that it can be helped.
That is a great point, the romance and connection between us has never been an issue, for me, the most difficult part of this experience has been the guilt of making my partners feel unattractive and also doubting myself. When this began happening a year ago, I was worried I had fallen out of love with my partners and that I would need to break up with them. But after some reflection, and a lot of honest communication, this is where I want to be for a very long time, I just have other issues to work through as well as strengthen my relationship.
Thanks for the advice, i hadn't thought of it being related to the duration of the relationship. At 3 years, this is the longest I have every been in any configuration of relationship, also 2 of those years were while I was on and off overseas.