Honestly, I think the key here is that she really IS socially awkward and struggles with communication. I would try not to take anything she says personally.
Her comment about the scarring on your labia from your rape--yes, totally inappropriate, but that's what socially awkward people do--they say totally inappropriate things and have no idea it was inappropriate. I have no idea WHY she said such a thing, except that if she's into edge play, maybe scarring is normal and/or a positive thing for her???? Socially awkward people have trouble empathizing with what other people are thinking/feeling and can only use themselves as a frame of reference.
Single, straight, female, solo, non-monogamous.