View Single Post
  #12  
Old 12-16-2012, 11:29 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,211
Default

Quote:
She still wants to tell me about her feelings for me when we talk, and I've been trying to tell her we can take things as slow as she needs to.
Tell her this has to stop if she's going to live with you. You are NOT interested in her at this time. Not when she's smack in the middle of a divorce and leaving crazy abuser man. The last thing YOU need is to be the new dating partner in her life, and have abuser man come hunting her down, you down and your other partner to boot! SAFETY first.

If she cannot get that crush of hers under control, withdraw the offer to open your home to her. I am not joking. The leaving time is a dangerous time and the abuser doesn't have to limit his abuses to her. It can move on to YOU.

Quote:
but if she's here all the time I'm worried something is going to happen before it should happen.
Like what? She makes a move and you maintain strong boundaries and could say something like:

"I like you, you are a good friend. But at this is just not appropriate at this time. You are fragile. Sort out healing from all this break up stuff and get yourself stable first and settled into your own flat and into your new life. I am not interested in being a rebound person or any of us new roomies adding complexities and weird at an already fragile time. Let's keep it in the friend bucket. Thank you for the compliment though. It's flattering. But let's let it go and do not share this with me any more."

Then stay silent about your own romantic interest. Give it a year or so. You can always approach her later once things are STABLE in her life and she is NOT your roomie if the magic is still there for you. Then you can see if she's still willing from a stable place and not from a fragile "cling to whoever" rebound place.

YOU can control your OWN behavior even if she starts coloring outside the lines with hers. And if you are not able to or worried you cannot?

Take back the invite to live in your home then. Help her in other ways instead -- like money or helping moving to a flat, or pointing her to the local resources for women's shelters and domestic violence. If anything, the www.speakoutloud.net website.

Try to be chivalrous here... and be SAFE.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 12-16-2012 at 11:49 PM.
Reply With Quote