When I got home from work I tried not to look to pissed off about it but at night he brought it up again and I snapped. I told him that for right now I really would prefer a period of monogamy for a little bit as we got used to being a proper couple. Well, that lit a match I really didn't expect. He is a very gentle man who rarely shows emotion but we had our first real fight and it resulted in him crying and saying that he can't just be with just one woman sexually for the rest of his life and there must be something wrong with him.
Right there, I felt so horrible. I never ever want him to think the desire/need for more than one sexual partner means there is something wrong with him. I've been made to feel like that before. I am sure a lot of us here have too. From that moment, it was like I saw a man slip into depression. I wouldn't blame him at all for it. He just broke up a 14 year marriage. He has two kids and even though he sees them most days and they are only 20 minutes away, not being with them was really starting to hit him. Previously, he had sworn he would be okay with it but I knew that it would bother him and that is why I worked on moving to LA vs him moving up towards me and away from them. Then, I through something into the works that sort of shattered his blissful picture of us together in a happy and healthy poly relationship. I was part pissed off at him for the way he was handling things with this other woman and part mad at myself for having let my anxiety attacks take me to that place.
So, the next day, I called in so many favors and managed to find a doctor that would give me some pills to calm the physical symptoms of anxiety so that the cycle of them would stop. He really didn't appear to understand what those attacks can do to me and it scared him.
He changed with me for a bit and said he needed some time to see if he was going to be talked to like that again (seriously..this was just a state of the relationship talk..you would think in his 14 years of marriage he had one of those before but he said not. Maybe when you are cheating vs trying to honest there isn't much to have to talk about?). I swallowed my pride over guilt of ever making him even think for one second that there was something wrong with being who he is ...especially in a time when he is just starting to walk that path.