I am Ryland or simply Ry. I am married to Matt, and we are in a triad with Kensi. We reside in London.
My husband and I met in '99 at a wedding. We became a couple the following year. I met Kensi a few months before my husband and I became official. The attraction was there almost immediately. Since June 2000, we have been a happy couple. My husband and I tied the knot in 2002, and Ken was my maid of honour.
From an early age, I knew monogamy just was not for me. My parents have been married almost 40 years. The same with my in-laws and maternal and paternal grandparents. I was surrounded by monogamy. I knew it just was not for me. I had only dated females prior to meeting my husband. Lesbian never fit because I was attracted to him when I met him. I identify as pansexual because I see the two loves of my life for more than what their sex is.
I am a fan of polyamory because I am getting everything I need, and I do not have to lie or cheat. From day one, our relationship was a hybrid open marriage, as I was the only one with an additional partner. My husband elected not to have anyone, and I respected his wishes. He became the best of friends with her, and there was an unrivaled level of respect and trust. To those considering polyamory, it's not all about sex. That is just one part. We have levels of total trust and honesty. We have the same values that monogamous relationships have. I still trust them both to never hurt me. I still trust them to never lie to me. I still trust them to always be honest and upfront. I still expect loyalty. I know they expect the same from me.
Up until the summer of this year, the two relationships were entirely separate. He had no input on my relationship with Kensi, and she had no input on my marriage to him. We recently became a triad. A few months back, we decided to integrate the two relationships in the bedroom. It was what I would call a partial threesome. Ken has always described herself as a lesbian. She had never been with a man and during the integration, that never changed.
My girlfriend decided she wanted to test the waters with a man, and since she trusted my hubby, it seemed like an ideal fit. As of this past week, they are now in a relationship, which is how we became a triad. Most people wonder about jealousy issues. For us, they do not exist at all. I have never been the jealous type or anything like that. I was the one secretly rooting for this and waiting for it to happen. We make sure we spend enough time together--individually and jointly, so that no one feels left out. It works like a fine tuned machine.
Our situation works for all parties and benefits our children. Our children know our girlfriend as mum #2. Our children have three parents who love them and only want the best for them. If ever we feel that they are being hurt by our actions, we will cross that bridge.