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Old 12-15-2012, 06:31 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,747

Originally Posted by PolyLinguist View Post
So, if a third person wanted to join us, we would have to move into a larger house or apartment... She would have to invest into a third of the finances (otherwise she would be my live-in mistress, wouldn't she?), and assume a one-third role in all domestic work and decisions. Just to be fair and equitable, right?
Okay, if that is how you see it, but I have to say that I chuckled when I read this. Just about the time that I met Dude we were in the process of moving from a 4 bedroom, 2.5 bath house to a 1 bedroom, 1.5 bath house. Dude helped us move and then moved in.

I'll just have to inform Dude that he is a "live-in mistress" since I provide 100% of the finances. PS. What is a "live-in mistress"? Is that different than a "housewife"? Where does said housewife generate 1/3 of the family finances? And he should assume 50% of the "domestic work" - since I don't do any? What if he fixes all of the cars instead? And what "one-third" of the decisions does he get to assume? What brand of shampoo we buy? He can have 100% of that decision - since no one else cares; on the other hand I am uncomfortable with him (or my husband for that matter) having 1/3 say in how I invest my 401(k) since they are 0% educated/interested in investing and it has been my personal hobby for the last 15 years.

Originally Posted by PolyLinguist View Post
Of course there would be, at times, sentiments private to the initial couple, but everyone would be well advised to keep such feelings private.
The non-initial couple has no "private sentiments" then? Does that meant that all of their "sentiments" are public or that they aren't allowed to have any?

Originally Posted by PolyLinguist View Post
And, oh yes, no yelling in our household. Yell once too often, and it's over.
Whose rule is that? If it is your rule, then good luck if your wife and your girlfriend decide to outvote you. I thought that we had a "no un-planned guests" rule (due to the fact that I am an anti-social introvert that hates people in general), 16 years of marriage and then my husband is backing up my boyfriend with the "we live here too" argument...and there are people sleeping on my floor...

Originally Posted by PolyLinguist View Post
Since taking out the garbage was mentioned - and this is my task usually - I may (occasionally) forget, because I am the absent-minded sort and my mind tends to be on more interesting things than taking out the garbage. So my wife (1) reminds me, gently, (2) waits until I too notice that it should be done, or (3) takes it out herself. Mono or poly, that's how loving relationships function, in my view.
Your wife is, obviously, a much nicer person than I am. Personally I - 1.) remind them gently, 2.) wait until the trash reaches the ceiling, 3.) nag incessantly, 4.) start playing Oscar the Grouch singing "I Love Trash" over the stereo at odd hours of the day at max volume. I'll be damned if I take out the trash after working an 80 hour work-week while the two of them are home all day. In my view, mono or poly, people doing what they SAY they will do is how loving relationships function... or you re-negotiate.


PS. I'm sorry, I'm not meaning to be mean (or more mean than usual) point is that each configuration will find their own balance, or they will fail. There is no equation by which you calculate what % of x/y/z each person does/is responsible for. If everyone needs are being met and it is working - good; if otherwise, then you have more work to do.
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 12-15-2012 at 06:39 AM.
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