Not the gatekeeper
I had a therapy session today and one of the things I spoke to her about was giving Twitch back weekends with Shasti. I was struggling with how it came across as being a control thing, like I was granting him this. She agreed and suggested rather than state it like that, it may have been better to say something along the lines of "I feeling a lot more stable and able to handle things, so let's do a weekend trial run of you visiting Shasti." Benefits would be that it won't make me feel like I have no recourse if things become less stable for me. Plus it'll be done in the spirit of a test, so that Twitch understands, too, that I'm trying, but I can't guarantee anything. A test with a safety net.
I want to give this back to him. I want us to succeed. I don't enjoy feeling insecure. I do not like holding him back. I don't want to be the all powerful gatekeeper either.