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Old 12-14-2012, 09:25 AM
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Helo Helo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: California
Posts: 279

Originally Posted by SleeveHeart View Post
I'm a cynical misanthrope, but I happen to fall in love with "everyone I meet".
That's a bit of a juxtaposition, I'll give you that. Define "love"; what do you actually feel or are you using love as a nametag for strong emotions?

I've labeled this disease of mine as polyamory. At one point it was under control, but right now, it feels like a wildfire. I feel as though I'm polyamorous because what I feel for people other than my girlfriend is genuine love, and rarely sexual desire.
Not sure I'd qualify it as a disease, but whatev's.

I've talked about my feelings openly with my girl, but it only depresses her. There's no way she'd be able to handle me being with someone else too. And I'd pick her over anyone else.... I think.
It sounds like you're unhappy with some fundamental part of your current relationship and its starting to boil through to your conscious mind.

Along with polyamory, my other flaws include depression, anxiety, slight psychosis, and pretty prominent memory problems.
That's a pretty big list. Have you seen a mental health professional about this or is this a self-diagnosed set of problems?

I mention these things because they all affect my stand-point on polyamory and my love life; especially the memory issues/mental illness. There are days when I can't fully remember why I am with my current girlfriend, I can't remember why I love her. I know that this is an unrelated issue. But I do wonder if I'm not actually polyamorous.. if I'm just forgetting what I have.
Do your memory problems extend to any other parts of your life?

Anyway, I've come to this website for a different reason than just finding a support group. I've come here to "cure" myself. I don't want to have these feelings for other people. It's messing up my life, my friendships, my mind.

I hope I can find answers here,
Yeeaahhhhh it doesn't work like that.

I went through this whole roller coaster a few years back. I started as what I would call "militantly monogamous." I would not even entertain the thought of a second partner but that started coming apart.

At first I thought there was really something wrong with me. Where were all these feelings coming from? I'd never had them before, so why should they start up now? I was completely happy with my (then) fiancee, so why should I feel this way? Conclusion reached: I must have had something wrong with me.

I wrestled with that for a good three months and I went some crazy places, let me tell you. I actually dug up information on repairative therapy and tried some of the techniques on myself. Never mind that I've ALWAYS considered it to be insane at best and psychologically damaging at worst, I still turned it on myself because I thought I had a problem.

Fast forward three months and I was no further along to "fixing myself" or "making myself monogamous" than I was when I started. I had wasted three months and made myself incredibly unhappy in the process. At that point, I figured that this was probably just how I was and I should accept it rather than fight it because THAT obviously was not working. I felt much happier and more comfortable with myself after making that decision.
I am as direct as a T-Rex with 'roid rage and about as subtle. It isn't intended to cause upset, I just prefer to talk plain. There are plenty of other people here who do the nice, polite thing much better than I can. I'm what you'd call a "problem dinner guest."
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