Thank you Gala for your reply and feed back. I did just vent off yesterday and did not bring all my thoughts and feelings to the forum. Its been a tough road for me. Very long and VERY bumpy to say the least. Every time i seem to make some progress I hit a bump and it feels like hell and that I actually got nowhere. Does it ever get easier?
- What is it you want most for YOUR romantic life? I just want to be happy again as we were before we arrived at this station. I had a very rough upbringing and he lifted me. He understood me and loved me and helped me grow into someone that could learn to trust again. I have become a better person and have become more comfortable with myself. He knows me better than anyone (even family that have "known" me all my life). Sometimes I feel he even knows me better than I know myself at times.
1) He was deceitful and he has apologized but it takes time to build that trust up again. I was very angry with him for wanting to explore this.
2) Husband wants you to not date others because he does not want to share you. (Well, did you want to share HIM?) You are not thrilled with this -- you are a person, not a toy. - I have to agree here however I don't foresee myself wanting to have someone else. He is enough for me BUT should the time come and I do "fall in love" with another (besides her) I do hope that he will be able to accept it and allow me the same space that I have given him to explore. If that is not the case I think that would be the time to re assess the situation and see where to go from there. We will cross that bridge IF and when we get there. ( he seems to be OK with her and I having a full on romantic relationship - it has crossed my mind in years gone by but I have been confused about it and never really tried to explore that avenue)
3) You are not sounding like a willing participant in polyship here. You went along with it hoping it would "go away" in time. It has not. - I will admit that is what I was feeling yes, I have decided that I would like to give this a try and see where we go and if it can work for us (otherwise after the last 5 months I would not still be here. I would have walked). I know it can work. I don't hate these people. I love them both, I love him VERY much and I do miss her in my life. I just have to get over my hurt and and resentment I guess. Over the last 5 months they have grown so much together. I feel it is wrong for me to stand in the way and demand that its either US (him and I) or THEM (him and her) as that is not what he wants. He wants us all to be happy together. We are adults and we CAN make this happen but we all need to work together and make sure that everyone is happy and every one is for filled otherwise this is not going to go down well in the end.
4) He has poor time management and not balancing ORE and NRE.
- limit chatting - I have done this, it is better but he needs to work more on it as his timing really sucks at the best of times (like when we arrive at a restaurant he lets her know we have arrived safely but somehow manages to get sucked into messaging her for up to 10/15mins). He is aware that it bothers me and is trying to work on it.
- PUNCTUAL - We have also discussed in the passed. He manages to get it right and all is well for a while but then its back to the same old tune
We have discussed this AGAIN and he will try again. ( I know he is trying he just needs to get it right already!!! LOL)
- Your last 2 points have also been discussed and he will try harder ( I hope he can do all the above as those are the things that are making me feel like I cant go on with this at this point. I am sure as we go on there will be more bumps that we need to smooth but these ARE the main things right now)
I have opened the door with her on more than one occasion and said we need to have a good talk and she has agreed. I have not approached her again as I know shes the type that will breach that when she is ready. I feel that its not fair for me to do all the leg work and push and sort things all the time. SHE is the one that decided she wants to go down this road before I even knew she was thinking about it. I know shes not happy that its not just him and her but she knows as he has told her he will never let me go and she still decided to push on. So she also needs to step up here and compromise and do some work.
I am still VERY angry at her (she is a mono by the way and always has been). I have known her for over 20 years and expected her to respect my relationship to begin with. She should never have abused our friendship and help that offered and decide to walk into my life and ruffle it this way knowing me the way I am. I feel she should have walked away but I guess she was selfish and needs to tend to her selfish needs. It will take a LONG time for me to forgive her, I feel shes wrecked my life. We were once very close, I do love her as a friend and miss her dearly and I suppose I wish she would step up and work on our friendship. Its very difficult to face her and talk to her but it is something that has to be done to be able to move forward with all this. I do hope that one day we can get back to were we once were and grow from there to make this a bright pretty picture. I guess we need that chat for me to be able to move on and let go of the resentment but that is for her to come back.
I think I came to this forum as I need people to talk to as there is no one here that I could talk to about this and let my feelings out besides him and her. She would have been the one I went to if this was going on with someone else.
I just want to get rid of the hurt and the anger I feel towards her. I want him to understand (he says he does but I don't know) that this is not an easy thing to get through and that his actions need to show that his words have true meaning. If they don't then how can I learn to trust him again and grow in this relationship?
Thanks for listening and for the help and support
Today is sleep over day, suprisingly I am ok at the moment lets hope for the best for the rest of the day and an ok night alone.