Originally Posted by nycindie
Wow, you really misinterpreted what I wrote!
First of all, I never said I find long-term relationships distasteful. That makes no sense. Why would I? You only quoted the part where I said I find the revering of a Holy Dyad (my own term for it) distasteful, but you didn't quote what I was referring to, which is this:
If couples act in a way that indicates a they have a certain privilege over individuals, it is basically because they think that's what they should do, and for whatever reason, they feel it is necessary for their "survival" as a couple. Or it is based on a misguided arrogance which leads them to think that anyone else they get involved with is only there to supplant and enhance what they have, while the individuals' needs are far less important. But the carrying out of such a privilege only happens if the individuals they get involved with also go along with it.
I personally call this attitude "revering The Holy Dyad," and I do find it distasteful.
I don't find it distasteful that a married or long-term partnered couple practices polyamory. What I find distasteful is when they lord their status as a committed couple over the other people they are involved with and supposedly love. That they cling on and attempt to protect the dynamic of their relationship so that it will never change, and treat additional love partners as threats and expendable. I know lots of swingerish couples do this, and it has carried over into poly, with all sorts of clingy and possessive rules and behaviors. People can do whatever they want, but I don't have to like it or agree, and I actively choose not to get involved with couple-centric people like that. This is not to say I wouldn't respect a previously established relationship of a lover of mine, but I would not stand for not having the respect I deserve as well. I'm just sharing my viewpoint, not asking others to join me in seeing it that way,so you don't have to get so huffy.
Thank you, nycindie, and I am sorry if I misinterpreted you. It can happen to the best of us... (Not that I am among the best, I am sure).
In fact, I can see another aspect of why this attitude can be irritating. Suppose I was interested in someone (in the poly world, obviously), and that person went on and on about her wonderful husband/lover/whatever. It just wouldn't be all that sexy, would it now?
And I'll have to find just the right tone to express my attitude to my wife, not too little, not too much (the Goldilocks Zone, so to speak), otherwise I'll just turn everyone off.