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Old 12-12-2012, 10:55 PM
monogamishSF monogamishSF is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 48

I'm going through something similar with a new hook-up, and I remember it from when my primary and I met our third, too.

It settles. I'd give it time. I might also try to limit the time you spend with the new person in order to help you pace things.

The last person I hooked up with is super intriguing to me right now, and even though we are intimate and in touch, and I feel like we will continue to see each other, I am not reaching out to her to spend time every day. Once per week so far. If I wanted to let fly, I'd see her all the time, but she lives a long drive away, which helps, and since it's brand new, my primary wouldn't appreciate my spending so much of my time with a new person. Our policy is baby steps.

Don't get me wrong, the once-per-week thing is driving me CRAZY (shiny new! sexy time! gimmiegimmiegimmie!), but I have faith that a lot of it is chemical/NRE, and am trying to maintain focus on my two other relationships, one of which is long distance (for 7 months), and the other of which is local but travels a lot (together three years). In the meantime I am spending time on my own things or showering my primary in the special attention she needs/deserves for allowing these other relationships to be part of our polyship!

But yes, to reiterate: every day with this new person probably isn't helping your cause, if that cause is to maintain a spark with the LDR.

Sometimes when I feel out of touch with my partners, I'll send them sexy photos, or tell them whenever I'm thinking about a fun thing we did together that is special to us. Do make the effort, and try to keep your mind clear. PACE YOURSELF!
under-30 cis femme- and queer-identified female. in a primary relationship with G, genderqueer female, with separate apartments. I also have a FWB, N, that I see every few months. K is a member of a 2012 triad that has since ended.

Last edited by monogamishSF; 12-12-2012 at 11:35 PM. Reason: removed "Can you post an update... " because I accidentally referenced your "joined" date, not the post date. oo
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