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Old 12-12-2012, 10:01 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

Sheesh I kinda hate writing here, but I think it's important so share highs and lows.

The stable-ish part of my life seems to be at an end. My boyfriend Brian is actively open to dating other people after not doing so for going on two years. At about the same time I decided to reactivate my OKC profile because I am still interested in finding friends, friend/lovers/hobby partners and possibly a lover/person interested in kink in the same ballpark I am, though all of that may have already suddenly come back into my life in satisfactory measures from other sources than new people, still not sure how that's all going to pan out.

Tonight my husband who hasn't dated for the last year mentioned being interested in somebody he met (who lives on the other side of the country, so I think it's more practicing communicating with me than saying he's ready to date) and that a couple people at a work event today were cute. I take this to mean he's feeling the counseling he is going to every 2-3 weeks is helping him. It has been having positive effects on our intimacy in general and off and on in his interest in sex, which was the stressful point about him having other lovers or not.

We also had a conversation about time splitting. I've been clear that I was open to having two "primary type" relationships where both men (presumably) lived with me, and he was not interested in living with another man and pointed out some negatives to the situation like that meant two men having dates and friends over - I like my private space so I can see how that wouldn't be practical. I've been clear it's unlikely I'd want to share my living space with another female as I am very particular about interior design and other household stuff and don't desire accommodating another person in that, so if he wanted another live in partner it wouldn't work to cohabitate in a single family house.

I checked in a month ago about our agreement that up to 4 nights out of the house a week on dates/hobbies was OK and he said he still wanted that that. I think I'd prefer 3, but as we are usually both home at least 3 a week, I just said I would speak up if it started being an issue. I was surprised today to start a discussion about time splitting, to find out that Adam felt that if I met somebody I wanted to see very regularly it may be a problem. If I wanted to see somebody 3 nights a week it might be tolerable for him but 4 would be a problem for him. That if I was seeing 2 or more people 4 nights out of the house a week it would probably be fine as long as it was spread out and not time invested in just one person. That it might be OK if it was a friend of his where there was shared time but not OK if it wasn't. It was the first time I had an idea that he felt this way about multiple time consuming relationships. I feel I have more thinking to do about the subject, and more talking.

Though I was surprised to hear this as he's never been so upfront about things before when I've discussed this stuff with him, his preferences echo my preferences too, mainly because I like alone time and I can't see having it if I was seeing another person more than 2x a week. I know things could change and one of us could meet somebody that we wanted to be with more often but I imagine that's one thing I don't have to waste any energy thinking about unless it happens.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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