Hey, first of thanks so much for the responses, I'll answer them in the order they came in
I am very much in love with both of my partners and I've received a lot of support from them both before and during my time away from home. In regards to the therapy session. I've been going to individual therapy for a few years for other issues and recently started talking about this to my counsellor.
When I am home, the three of us actually see a counsellor together (she was their counsellor before I came into the picture, and we all go to discuss communication, balance, jealousy etc..) We are planning on seeing a sex therapist together when i am back which I am really looking forward to.
I've got my own ideas over why this is happening, but I can't seem to think my way out of this situation. IT causes me a lot of frustration and guilt on a regular basis, espeically because my partners are both very attracted to me and not had difficulties in connecting physically.
Sexual aversion disorder is a condition where a person feels anxiety or stress around sexual intimacy. It can either be global, so you can't connect physically with anyone, or specific, with your partner(s). In my case, it is specific to one of my partners.
I identify as a cis gendered male as do my two partners and we connect both together and one on one when the other person is not around. I am verse so I have definitely transitioned into more of the bottom role (which is fine). but the challenge is that I sometimes will not be hard at all even though the sex is gratifying I am preoocupied with the feelings of anxiety around it.
I definitely agree with you about the relaxing and focusing on connect, but my problem is that I can't get out of this routine or whatever it is...I've tried to snap myself out of it lots of times but it doesn't work. We totally used to cam in my first year away, but in the last little while I've become to nervous to even get naked on cam in case I can't get hard.
I was diagnosed with depression right before I left home in August, and I've veered away from medications for the time being, so I have challenges in just letting myself 'be' if you know what I mean
This has been happening for a while and my partners have been really patient. I think we don't communicate as much as we could on this issue because I am worried about 'incepting' them with my performance anxiety, and they are worried about making me feel on the spot.
I hope the therapist will be able to help us out and I'm doing my own solo work to figure things as well
If anyone has been in a similar situation, with any configuration of poly, and you moved through this period, please let me know how that worked for you and what you did.
Thanks for the support!!