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Old 12-11-2012, 10:19 PM
AJ1 AJ1 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 27

I've felt something similar before, but not in relation to poly specifically. DH has a platonic friend that I don't care for, and it would always bother me when he would go out with him. I knew it shouldn't, because I didn't need to interact with the dude, so why should I care who he hangs out with? I couldn't put my finger on it, but every time he set up a guy's night I would be fine with it...then as the day approached I would get increasingly uneasy and upset.

One day, we were in a heated discussion about it and the reason just fell out of my mouth before my brain could even register it: I wasn't getting enough alone time with DH in general. Quality Time is a big love language for me, but it isn't for DH, plus he works a lot of hours. Here I was sacrificing our nights together so that he could further his career, and meanwhile his friend was getting pre-arranged "dates" that I wasn't. I wasn't really resenting his friend, I just had an unmet need.

Now that we know what I was really feeling, DH takes extra steps to make sure I get more time. Poly helps too, because I can get some quality time from other people and not burden DH with the full responsibility of my needs. Now that my need has a name, we can address it head on and I no longer get upset at his time with his friend (who did eventually win me over with some very pro-feminist views he espoused).

Maybe you're feeling something similar?
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