It sounds like you are the driving force behind your romantic and sexual exploration as a couple and the goal posts keeps moving. Has your husband been told of your latest vision? Does anyone have a ultimate vision? Going from a hobby model to some time split? ...60 /40 ...50/50 If I was him I'd want to know this regardless if it happened or not. Wouldn't that factor in on any decisions on his part.
Would he trust you in any negotiations ....meaning a limit is a limit or as a desensitizing tactic....to be renegotiated later or a gentle slide toward some goal you an O.O. have.
I wouldn't want to be looked at as a jailer or warden keeping you from your true identity. I wouldn't want the resentment of I couldn't or wouldn't do this for you. I wasn't evolved enough or didn't read enough, didn't go to enough therapy sessions. The slow bitterness, the slight less joyful or worse the depressed and quick to temper wife.
Also staying together to honor ones word seems empty in itself....I'd want to know that as well.
Have you given any thought to where the tipping point on hubby's feeling for you are. These things have a way of changing everyone's prospective.
Personally I think you have to honor who you are because life is short too short to live constrained. Go out and build the life of your dreams ...isn't that what you'd tell yourself as a life coach.
Good luck D