OK. I am really screwing things up and just need to vent. Got in a huge argument with ____ (I still need a name, or this is going to make me nuts). Basically, it was just absolutely stupid, and I feel like an idiot.
It basically just boiled down to we got in a conversation about sharing of information about other people in our lives. Again. Now, in my mind (and I have been really struggling with this over the past 2 weeks) our "relationship" whatever it is, has not really been defined at all. I was under the impression it was just pretty casual for him.
So when we start talking about other people, if it is casual, I really don't need to know all that much. I don't need to know every date, every move he makes whatever. If this is just a casual thing I just don't need that info. And if it's just a casual thing, I really don't feel the pull to share very intimate details about the other people I see or am involved with.
I think perhaps it's moved out of casual. I think we need to talk about THAT first before we get into other stuff.
He kept asking, and I was feeling really pressured and quite cross and just got really frustrated and upset and basically it was a disaster. I am just so confused over so much, and overthinking everything about him and us and am in a pretty weird loop. I like him a LOT more than it just being a casual thing for me. I only just realized that.
Yes, if this moves from the realm of casual booty call or whatever, into something more "serious," I'd like to know more. Meet them, and get more involved, and so on.
Worst part is, he doesn't like talking about stuff like this over email and electronics. And I really only see him maybe 30 hours a month, part of which is spent sleeping (really!). So that means a lot gets unsaid that probably needs to be said.
I don't know. I think this is transitioning into something else besides what it has been which is good. Which is great. But frustrating and scary and I really just need to know what is happening so I can frame my expectations right.
On the plus side I haven't totally blown it and we are talking about this more in depth this week sometime.
On the other plus side I had a date with a cutie I met recently that went quite well. It's early...it wasn't the best date in my life, but not the worst. I'll give it some time and see what happens.
On the other plus side, I get a weekend home alone next weekend. Thank goodness. Have not had a weekend home in weeks. Need it. Need to just curl up with a book and be me alone for a bit. And clean. Desperately.