Thanks for your words nycindie.
Yes, he has said that before this year. He has said that this year even. However, he has also encouraged me to pursue my relationship with Brad from the get go saying he understands now due to his having fallen in love with another himself. He gets it and doesn't want to stop me from what my hearts nature is as he thinks his might be similar and he wants to explore that. I'm confused about it all, for sure.
Thing is that he doesn't want to communicate about it and hasn't been. I think he thinks he shouldn't have to. He wants it to be his own thing and for me to never know who he is involved with or ever meet them. That he shouldn't have to let me in on his feelings at all. We differ in this way. I talk about everything.
I am concerned that when he goes out on his own without me knowing and when he has been doing this, that he is actually going to move his love away from me and I will just be family to him. His home base where he belongs, yet not someone who is passionate and in love with any more.
I realize that love changes and mellows with years, but we have always been very close and passionate. For me that has not changed and for him it has when he has had his thoughts of others. I am concerned that a divide such as the one he is asking for will mean a split rather than achieve what he wants which leads me to believe that we are actually done. I wait for some input from him.
Yes, I wanted and enjoyed his monogamous nature. I grew to trust it eventually and now I don't trust anything. To his credit he managed to say something before getting into his thoughts so much that I lost him forever.
I am wondering now if he actually thought he couldn't ask for me to not pursue others. I would not of started anything with Brad had I known what was going on for him back then. I met Brad before I knew he had a crush. I was encouraged to go out and meet people. To go and find a distraction. I didn't expect to find another bf. I didn't know anything except his encouragement and friendliness to Brad. He likes him, was happy for me and on the surface seemed to be okay with it all.
He was having trouble being close to me and explained to me that it was just his retirement worries that made him distant. I knew nothing of anything else until he told me in June (his love for his friend started in Jan when I was dumped and he needed some fun) some of his feelings about one person. He thought, and told me, that it was likely just a one shot deal with her. That I should carry on with Brad as he's a good guy and he likes him and wanted him around.
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Last edited by redpepper; 12-12-2012 at 01:11 PM.