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Old 12-10-2012, 02:10 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
. . . I do recall him saying that if you were to get another lover (besides your gf, him and your husband), he would draw away.

And yet somehow you did get 2 more bfs, and he has drawn away as he said he would.
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Your point is well taken. I forgot he mentioned that many years ago. I will ask him his thoughts on that.
I am very surprised to read that you forgot about that, RP. I thought that was a major term in your agreement with Mono. He has discussed it extensively here, in numerous threads, I recall. I mentioned this to you in June when I said:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Hasn't Mono always insisted that he can't be anything other than monogamous? He has always said that if he were to be interested in someone else, it means that he's losing his connection to you. And he has also always said that if you expressed interest in taking on another lover, he would start losing his connection to you.
And you and I had a little convo surrounding this -- but in re-reading your responses now, it seems you talked about your connection to Mono needing healing but at the same time you seem to have kind of avoided the fact that he had said he'd disengage if you ever hooked up with a new man after him. I also think it's significant where you said:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I naively believed in the monogamous dream with him and that's gone. It was like one last ditch effort to think that someone could love me and love me only. I feel stupid about it.
I think that somewhere you fantasized about having your own little monogamous bubble with him while you also pursued other loves. Maybe because your love was so strong, you thought he didn't really mean it when he said he'd start severing his connection if there were any more guys in your life. He wanted to be your last one. Surely, Mono was surprised that he could have feelings for more than one woman, but the distance you are feeling now is something that he prepared you for all along.

I know it sucks to wake up and see something that one has been denying or shutting our eyes to something that was always very clearly stated. Maybe he will change his stance and be able to accept your having additional men in your life, or maybe not, but you are strong and will get through whatever the outcome is. Relationships aren't meant to stay the same forever, anyway. Dynamics change flow and morph into something new all the time as the people change.

I know you will be okay, no matter what. Glad you had a wonderful birthday.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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