Thanks. I guess I've been thinking I need to figure out how I feel about being poly instead of sorting out the relationship first- since he sees it as waiting to find out if I want to date. I don't have motivation anymore (at the moment) to put additional effort into making the marriage work- but I do have motivation to see if we can make it work for me to be poly...if that's all the motivation I need then I guess at least it's something to be a catalyst to create movement. It might sound selfish but I've spent so much of myself trying in this relationship that I'm just spent, so for now it is what it is.
I'm open to hearing any other feedback, or related experiences etc. I just noticed I didn't really leave a question speficially.