It may be this new person IS your secondary. But is this husband not the husband?
You sound like you are at a time of discernment for yourself here.
Don't start something new (New guy) til you are done with the old (marriage problems.) It's easier to cope with one thing at a time.
at this time = closed married polyship of 2 with DH.
Chronic patient = fuzzy brain at times. (If I make no sense in a post, just PM me and I'll happily try to clarify it later.)