View Single Post
Old 12-09-2012, 11:26 PM
rory's Avatar
rory rory is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497

It is sometimes strange to be so completely open in a relationship. I think the reason I often go to "should I have even talked about this at all?" is because it goes against some cultural norms. Culturally, you are supposed to shield your partner from pain. You shouldn't hurt your partner. There's the exception, that if it's something super important, you may need to talk about it even if their feelings might get hurt. But you're expected to do this balancing between importance and shielding. This norm is visible in various questions people ask. "Should I tell my new boyfriend he has bad breath?"; "Can I let my wife know after 5 years that I don't really enjoy her blowjobs?"; "My partner and I have been together for 10 years and I'd like to have sex with somebody else; is it worth it to talk about an open relationship?"...

It feels like you're being selfish when you don't balance and, instead, talk about stuff regardless of how important it is and despite suspecting hearing it will hurt your partner. But there's also something very honest and intimate about it. I think it works in our dynamic, because we have very similar ways of communicating and analysing things.
Reply With Quote