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Old 12-09-2012, 03:37 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,009
Default A few thoughts...

You're not "stuck" in a Vee. You willingly chose this. If you want things to happen for you, you need to be proactive. Just because that woman friend of yours stopped calling for a few days, doesn't mean you can't call her and ask her out. Don't be timid.

Have a dating profile on OKC or elsewhere? If so, is it updated regularly? Getting out and doing activities you enjoy, where you can meet people? Make sure that, when your wife is out with her other loves, you aren't just sitting home waiting for her. Got any poly groups in your area? If so, and if the people that attend seem welcoming and appealing, get active in one. Don't know if you have kids, but make sure you get a babysitter so you aren't always the one at home. Go out and meet people - the more opportunities you create, the more potential for success.

The other thing is, are you getting as much time with your wife as you need? You say she has limited time because of her other two loves, but is there some imbalance there that could use adjusting? Do you have a special day or days set aside just for you two, where it is sexy and romantic and not just the drudgery of chores and bill-paying? Do you get along with your metamours? If so, can you have any group outings? I don't mean group sex, but stuff to do together, like picnics, dinners, events, so that you won't feel so left out.

I'm her primary and we live together just us and it's more of a multi tailed "V" that a proper V.
What do you mean by this, a "proper V?" There is no proper or standard in poly - you make of it what you want out of it!

Remember that it is not a race, you don't have to find an additional partner in order to feel equal or even or fair. Your happiness in your relationship is an inside job and shouldn't depend on circumstances. Perhaps you are having trouble meeting women due to a vibe you might be giving off that says you want a partner of your own just to keep up with your wife and feel like it's all fair and even, rather than meeting someone and pursuing them simply because they're cool and you find them attractive. Don't make "being properly poly" your goal. You might be putting the cart before the horse. Have your goal be to meet people who excite and interest you, and then get to know them and see if there is a connection that can lead to more.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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