View Single Post
  #15  
Old 12-08-2012, 11:10 PM
PolyLinguist's Avatar
PolyLinguist PolyLinguist is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Posts: 49
Default

I like surveys of this kind. Let me try to answer the questions, as honestly and clearly as I can:

Quote:
Originally Posted by AggieSez View Post
[*]Do you believe couple privilege exists? How would you define it? (Or how would you adjust my proposed definition?)
Most certainly. Anyone part of a couple who wants to take on a poly relationship without believing that such privileges exist will be un-coupled in short order.

As for defining it, it is easy: when you are part of a long-term relationship, you cannot take decisions affecting the couple without consulting your partner, and taking his/her views into consideration. Couple privilege consists of taking decisions with your partner's view/opinions/feelings in mind.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AggieSez View Post
How have you seen couple privilege manifest in poly/open relationships? (Examples)
Yes. A V situation, with a man married to a long-term partner and a female unmarried friend. His wife has made some conditions, the other two seem to go along with them. He is a charming guy, he is worth the candle for both of them, it seems to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AggieSez View Post
Is couple privilege harmful, neutral or beneficial in poly/open relationships, or in the poly/open community? Why or why not?
Harmful or beneficial to whom? No couple (as I understand the term) can survive as a couple unless the partners consult each other and care about the other's opinions and feelings. As for the third party, he or she simply should not enter such a relationship unless (s)he is willing to accept, cheerfully, couple privilege. Reluctance and resentment do not a relationship make. In any case, wouldn't a third party have conditions of his/her own?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AggieSez View Post
How has couple privilege affected your personal experience of poly/open relationships? Specific examples or personal stories are welcome.
No experience yet, sorry. But I and my wife are intelligent and flexible people, I am sure we could work any reasonable problems out, after discussions with any reasonable third party.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AggieSez View Post
How would you like to see couple privilege addressed in the poly/open community at large?
More practical examples, less ideologizing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AggieSez View Post
If you are part of a primary couple that chooses to handle relationships with additional intimate partners in hierarchical ways that may seem to reinforce couple privilege, what is your rationale or intent for those choices?
Aside from explaining the obvious significance of having shared my life with someone on a long-term basis, I wouldn't feel the need for giving a "rationale". Here is the situation, here are the obvious implications. If you can't live with them, too bad, but this won't work. There is always some room for negotiations, though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AggieSez View Post
If you eschew hierarchy and/or labels in your poly/open relationships, how do you “walk that talk” regarding couple privilege?
I don't normally eschew hierarchy. I am not against what would traditionally be called a bigamous household with complete equality between my two wives, but this is not likely to happen. As for myself, I wouldn't become a "co-husband" in a million years.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AggieSez View Post
If you are a non-primary partner or solo poly/open person, how have you adapted to couple privilege in terms of how you handle relationships and what you’re willing to accommodate?
No experience, sorry. But I would adopt quite easily to being a non-primary partner (traditionally called a lover) of someone with a husband and family. And if I couldn't call her on Sunday, tant pis, I will think of something else to do.

--------------

Quote:
Originally Posted by AggieSez View Post
To respond, please feel free to comment here, or on my blog post, or in a post of your own (send me the link), or e-mail me (aggiesez@hotmail.com)

As with my previous crowdsourcing project, I'm open to input from anyone on this -- but I'm particularly keen on hearing from people who are non-primary partners in ongoing poly/open relationships, since our perspective usually isn't very prominent in discourse about polyamory.

If your respond, I'd appreciate if you’d clarify whether you identify as poly/open (or not), and whether you currently have a primary partner, and whether you currently are in a non-primary relationship. I’m happy to consider input from anyone, but that it crucial context for understanding your perspective.
I am a married man, and agree wholeheartedly with most of the principles of the polyamory movement, as does my wife. Whether I can actually find a poly partner for myself is another matter - maybe yes, maybe no.
Reply With Quote