It seems as though you are reading my post as evangelisation rather than description. I thought I made it clear that I was talking about what poly means to me, in my situation, in my life. I certainly don't take the position that everyone should believe or behave as I do. Sorry if I left the wrong impression
My comment about being the center was probably difficult to understand. I wasn't talking about being the center of attention at all. I was talking about being the central figure in my arrangement. I am just a part of this larger thing, my sense of myself as the center of my own life has changed. I think it's been great for me. I know others disagree on this issue, and I am 100% ok with that.
I have met several people who did not want to be a part of group hangouts. Our desires weren't compatible. I didn't think they were evil people or anything like that. I just knew we would not work well together romantically.
As for the issue of selfish vs not, for me that gets just about impossible to argue about when you throw in the Ayn Rand type arguments. I have no desire to go there.