I feel like this is getting out of control.
If there are any issues between my wife and I, we have the tools to work them out. I've been married for 12 years and when my wife explained everything, she said that she didn't start feeling this way until early this year. That tells me we were doing ok for most of the marriage, so I'm pretty sure we can navigate this, too.
I appreciate the insights and I'm not calling anyone wrong. I'm confused and hurt and certainly pretty ignorant about all this- which is why I'm here. I could have just rejected everything she told me, and I'd be on my way to divorce or a very one-sided marriage happiness wise. That having been said, I'm a type-A personality, so forcing stuff down my throat doesn't work, either. I'll find the answers in my own time and I thank all of you for giving me plenty to consider.