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Old 12-08-2012, 10:40 AM
snowmelt snowmelt is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 172

Originally Posted by Daysleeper View Post
It's possible your wife's desire to be with other men has caused the problems in your marriage, but it is also possible that it has not. Are you so focused on this information that you are overlooking other issues? Since your wife is willing to wait awhile, I might put some energy into resolving preexisting issues rather than focusing completely on this one.
The point you made here was very insightful. I pointed out a clear contradiction I see in his words. Contradictions point right to unresolved issues. I found one. In effect, I began to answer your question. Unresolved issues are made of pain. No one really wants to look at their pain. Looking at it is the only way to resolve it. Until they do, their problems persist. I want to encourage him to look at his pain, so he sees what I see and can begin to get through it.

If someone gets defensive or angry when their pain is pointed out to them, that means their not ready to look at it yet. That's fine. I respect that. The when and how it gets resolved is always up to them. The fact is, that pain will show up later in some form if it is not addressed now. I pointed out that fact, because I want him to know.

I understand your point about communication. You don't have to be totally open to your partner, but just imagine the intimacy you can achieve with your partner if you are.
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