Has your husband given you specific things he needs to be content enough? X nights home a week, X dates a week with him? Are you doing all the household care you were before poly? Are you spontaneous about how you were splitting your time or specific about scheduling and checking it was not causing problems? What do each of your loves prefer? Did you jump right into spending as much time with er.. I'll call him O.O for the moment. If you jumped in with both feet do you think you could scale back and perhaps a set 1x a week date with O.O to start would be OK with your husband? With a statement that you want to work towards a more equal time share? Sometimes people say they are OK with things when they are not, it sucks to have to deal with it, sometimes that's just how it is - then they implode when it happens.
I understand O.O is insecure and whatnot, but if you could build a foundation slowly with everyone's understanding that you desired it to grow towards whatever it is you want..that might be another way to approach it and slowly work through everyone's feelings. Are you afraid O.O will run if you can't give him what he wants and is not willing to work towards something? Is your husband asking you to stop seeing him or just being passive aggressive about it and you are deciding breaking up would be easier than dealing with your feelings of guilt.
I'm not clear if either your husband or O.O is dating other people (sorry, sleep deprived) and that matters a lot I think. I know it is hard to go backwards when you felt you had so much, but I imagine if you want to make sure your relationship with your husband remains intact, this would probably be a place to start (though I'd have a game plan for moving forward, probably involving counseling)
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Last edited by Anneintherain; 12-08-2012 at 09:03 AM.