LovingRadiance: Thank-you, I’m trying to breath. I think, maybe I’m trying to take on too much at once. I'm putting the cart before the horse
Love2Bake: I feel broken and I’m certain I’m taking things personally that I shouldn’t be. I'm sure that the day will come when I will be sure of how I feel about poly whether I join in or not. I need to seek security in myself, first.
Daysleeper: It’s been a rough year, to be sure. It began with my wife telling me about her attraction to other men, then about her desire for polyamory. There is more, but it has since been “fixed”. I had a vasectomy several years ago because my wife couldn’t be on birth control (we tried them all). Every since then, my sex drive slowly declined and I was beginning to experience symptoms of ED. My wife brought it up to me shortly after all this began, which it doesn’t take a psychologist to figure out, was devastating to me. I have since gone to the doctor and found out I had a testosterone deficiency which, once corrected, is no longer a problem. Quite the opposite, I feel like a 22 year old again and want my wife nearly every day. Other than that, we have no financial issues at all, I get along with my in-laws (although my Mom and I are currently at odds) and we both have very fulfilling jobs that we are excelling in. This is pretty much the only thing that is causing issue.
Dingedheart: She is aware I have an account here, but I asked her to refrain from joining for now. This is my outlet for things I either can’t or don’t want to talk to her about. Now, there is some bleed-over between the two, but for the most part, this is just for me to learn, grow and figure out how I feel.
Snowmelt: You make some good points, but I would like to point out that while my wife has expressed a desire for polyamory, she, herself isn’t sure it will work for her. She has clearly done a lot more soul searching and figuring out what she wants than I have had the opportunity to, but she isn’t moving forward without me. She is waiting for me to figure out if it’s something I think I can handle and whether I want to join or decline. THAT is why I am having a hard time hearing “suck it up” because I am at the cusp of a massive change (and I know I can’t go back). We have a child, as well, which is also a primary focus of mine and one that I haven’t really explored on this board at all.
GalaGirl: You are right in many ways. I think “you have a lot to digest” is an understatement. I also think I went overboard with things on the exact same night my Mom emailed me to tell me that the relationship she and I had (a very close friendship) is over due to some differences of opinion. As far as my support system goes, we have one mutual friend who has similar ideals with my wife as far as poly goes. I can talk to her and plan to soon, but she’s a mother of 4 and quite busy. My wife asked that I keep other friends and family out of it since we have a large number of mutual friends and acquaintances. My Mom used to be a major part of my support system, but I lost that last night when she wrote me off. I guess when it rains, it pours… As far as communication with my wife, we have always been strong in this area. Our 12 years together have taught us to talk effectively about what’s bothering us. I think my wife is feeling guilty for laying this at my feet, so it hurts her to see me obsessing and last night was the worst of it. I read too much, got freaked out and then couldn’t get my emotions under control.
After reading everyone’s posts, I just want to say thank you. After I talked with my wife today, I explained that yesterday was a “perfect storm” and I had felt abandoned and alone. She understood, but was still upset. I left it at that and have decided to take a break from thinking about this for a while. I may PM some of you in the future, so until then, thanks and I will be back.