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Old 12-08-2012, 03:02 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyLinguist View Post
Now, if a female friend sleeps with me, on the spur of the moment, what exactly is there to talk about? Do I want to redefine the friendship? Probably not - if I was in love with her, I would have told her already. If I wanted her as a girlfriend, love or no love, I would have said so too. If she started to have feelings for me, and was too proud or shy to say so (unlikely in this particular case), why would it be good if I explained that sex is all very well, but I do not want to be in a position where I have to be in any way accountable to her? None of this would improve our friendship, and it could easily damage it. People do not like to be said "no" to.
This is, again, all pre-conceived notions you have about what "most" people, and especially women, want.

It is useful to talk, it is healthy. Even if you are in a situation where you must tell someone they won't get what they want, it is always better to be honest and let them know! Earlier this week I was on a first date with someone I'd met through an online dating website and at the end of the evening, he said, "I had a great time, but I didn't feel any chemistry, so I don't think I want to pursue this." I was undecided about my feelings for him, but I thanked him for being honest and wished him well. How can honest direct communication be a bad thing, if said compassionately?

And about "baubles" - your arguing that women like jewelry missed the point and doesn't address the fact that you obviously have this idea that all women want gifts or jewelry when in a relationship with someone. While many, but not all, women like jewelry, most women I know do not expect nor want that sort of thing. They'd rather have someone be there for them in more important ways, not appease them with trinkets. Just believe me when I say that if you are always giving jewelry to a woman with whom you only have a sexual relationship, she will start to feel like she's being treated like a prostitute. Sure, there are certainly superficial, shallow bitches out there ready to soak you for all you're worth, but they are not in the majority! It is almost 2013, man. Start thinking differently about women and you will have more luck meeting some who will want to be with you.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 05-01-2014 at 05:54 AM.
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