Hi and welcome,
Is your wife a member here yet ? If not I'd suggest that first.
If she cares about this working out with the marriage intacted there is plenty of this she needs to learn as well. This isn't going to be you doing all the learning and changing.....or sucking it up.
Plenty of threads and advice for her to read.
You might want to start thinking in term of deal breakers and work backwards.
Good luck D