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Old 12-07-2012, 04:32 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,596
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1) Speak up. They are not mind readers. Could tell them you want more sex.

2) Could relax and just accept that yeah -- with a 7 year age gap, you are in college student mode. So?

My parents have a 7 year age gap. My aunt and uncle a 17 year age gap. Eventually everyone finishes with school and moves on to job land. You being a student doesn't make you any "less" of a person.

Your polypeeps value you. They make space for you to be here loved just as much:
Quote:
despite my initial angst over R and M's engagement, I've since confessed my insecurities to R, and she shared with me that she and M had already researched options for all three of us committing to one another as much as current social constructs allow. I don't know the relationship will go that far, but I'm so touched and honored by that.
I am more concerned with your talk.

Quote:
R and M are have lives and careers, and I'm just finishing up college and looking into work and grad school.
Are you bored of school? Is this not "having a life" to you? If this is the case, why shoosh that yucky on to them? Are you envious? Wishing you were at that point already and not in student land?

It is subtle, but I got the vibe of "They get ____. I'm just ____. " That's talking down to yourself. Why do that? Does your inner voice talk have a lot of "should" in it?

You end up feeding the "I am less valuable than others" bucket. What for?

You could be feeding the "My polypeeps value me!" bucket instead. Look at the blue words.

Focus on what you want MORE of, not what you do not want. Even in your self talk in your head. See if you begin to feel better or not. The dog that wins is the one you feed. So you could work to stop feeding anxiety dog! Before you can see how to change your "behaves" -- you need to notice and observe WHAT you do and WHEN you do it.

In your thinking, in your talking. Become aware. Then change how you talk and think. Could look at the resources for spotting yourself at Recovery. Even if you never take the classes, it's a good list. My dad had to take it to deal with his crazy level anxiety and try to learn not to get himself all worked up. Maybe it could help you?

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 12-07-2012 at 04:40 PM.
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