Chipmunk In the aftermath:
Long email condensed down, I have basically told Chipmunk to grow up, to change.
Airyn has told me that he's with me on every point in this, and has stuck to that. He told me that I did the right thing, that I did not do or say anything wrong.
We both have seen how she is, and knew she would react badly. Even when the conversation is not harsh, argumentative, or asking her to compromise, or be flexible she takes it negatively. as negatively as possible. So I knew, and Airyn knew that the email would not go over well, and that she would be upset, and that it would take time for her to calm down and think rationally about it.
Her first reaction was sadness (maybe even grief). Tears, upset, then anger at me. Arguing with Airyn about what was said. Then denial, the she began to question Airyn about some of the things in the email. now she is more calm, and is beginning to accept and is show (at least) Airyn that she is willing to work at her stuff.
Airyn told me that she was venting at her closest friend, her first love, and x-boyfriend from high school I'll call him YoungLove. He told her to calm down and shut up. I'm not sure if she forwarded the email to him or not, but I would not be surprised if she did.
In her anger at me Thursday morning, she was venting, throwing things into bags, and tossing them into the closet she uses. Cleaning up the mess in the bathroom, and bedroom with angry energy. Telling Airyn she going to move out, leaving done. His response (as he tells me), Maybe you should get your own place. He says that stopped her. It was the first time she said she was going to move out that he had agreed with her. It opened her eyes some. Made her have to take a step back and actually think. Does she really want to leave, move out, go her own way?
Next she did some denial, I do not know what was said on her end, and that is probably a good thing. Then she began asking questions of Airyn. Do I really sound like that, talk like that to you? He tells me he pointed out thing that she had said and done the day before. She had no reply, but when she again started to order him around she caught herself. Told Airyn that she doesn't want him to do what she had just said unless he wanted to.
It's a beginning. It is difficult to work at making changes within me. To grow for myself, and my relationships when I see (or feel) that I am the only one working to fix personal stuff.
Airyn told me before I left for work that Chipmunk is no longer saying she's moving out, that now she is talking about one of the houses I was looking at. That she has gone through all these emotions in less then a day, and decided that she does want to work on being in this relationship. That she is willing to work on her so that she can continue to live with this family.
Now I have things to think about, emotions of my own to work through, and changes of my own to make happen. Airyn and Chipmunk spent the majority of the day out together. Talking, shopping, walking around Malls, and stores together. Friday (today) Is My day with Airyn. Chipmunk wants to do more Holiday shopping, but has not said as much to me as of yet. She has told this to Airyn.
Today is My day, and I have not decided if i want to do holiday shopping. I am tired, mentally, emotionally, and physically tired. My job is draining on me this time of year. The emotions, and turmoil of these past weeks is hard. I need rest, relaxation. I am an introvert, so doing the social things, going out for shopping therapy (as some call it), sitting at a bar or resturant is not for me.
I will have to see how I feel when I get off. No matter how I feel I will remind Airyn and Chipmunk both as calmly, and respectfully as I am currently able that Today is my day. That I am done setting things like that aside to keep Chipmunk's drama down. It is high time I start taking care of myself. It is past time for the things we have talked about, the requests that have been made to be put first. She had all of yesterday to work through how she felt. It may not be much; however personal growth comes from within, not from outside. Having time where she has to think, and work things out for herself with out Airyn as a sounding board (even if just for a day) is not a bad thing.
You are all correct. I, We all have work to do. Living together though means that everyone has to work, not just one or two, but everyone. We don't all have to work at the same pace, but visable work is needed to keep things moving in positive directions.
Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).
No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.
Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married