Originally Posted by rolypoly
There is a pivotal point when a relationship becomes defined and I begin to expect things. I don't know where this comes from, but I am trying to avoid it this time around. I suddenly panic and start finding every way the person is wrong and bad. It's all based on fear.
When I can stay just a little bit distant, then I can keep reminding myself that my partner is not a terrible person and in need of caging just because s/he can't anticipate my needs. I find this part of myself very scary.
How does it happen that your expectations become a means to define someone as wrong or bad? Where does the fear come from? What are these expectations that that happens???!!!
That makes me very sad that you distance yourself because of this roly
why should anyone anticipate anyone's needs??? There should never be expectations really... at least this is a noble goal as far as I am concerned. If people are communicating well then there should be conversations around expectations that start with, "I have and expectation,,,, and here it is... this is what I want to see happen, is that a possibility? What do you think about my expectation?"
How does all this make you want to "cage" someone roly? Yes, I would be scared of that too if it were in me... !
I'm so respectful that you are bringing this all up as that is hard shit to work out! Good for you for even broaching it here!