Again, many thanks for your response.
No, he is not the boss of me. I should say, that before I knew of what his vision was of what part she played in our life, I guess I was the one indirectly who threw a "wrench" (as he calls it) in this. It happended while we were on a family vacation. She was having problems with him going (it was planned well before she was in our life) and it was extremely difficult listening to how extremely sad, and distraught she was...that it started to diminish the "family" vacation. I called her and asked her to please allow us to have our family time, she was very pleasant and agreed. However, it turned out to be one of the worst vacations ever. I guess my phone call made her question how does she fit in? - she wanted to know from my husband, how she was seen to him. Mistress, girlfriend, lover...?? She told him I was "flexing my muscles" because I am his wife. I didn't know at that time that he saw her as his "co-wife" - nor did I know he expected me to view her this way. That is how that started, so she feels threatened. And yes, she is pressuring him -she wants his time split 50/50, shared custody model. I have problems with that too, due to our son, such a crucial time for him to have his father around.
I will mention again to him that I feel I should be introduced before our son, but, he will say she is not ready. She doesn't want meeting me to ruin their ceremony next week.
Oh... I just don't know anymore.