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Old 12-07-2012, 12:13 AM
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PolyLinguist PolyLinguist is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Posts: 49

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I don't see anything unusual in the arrangement you describe. Why do you think women wouldn't go for it? I am completely puzzled. It sounds like a lovely date.

As for your comment that women want to show off gifts from their "admirers," do you seriously think all women expect such things? I don't. Sure, if someone gave me a nice gift, I'd be happy, but getting gifts or being treated to dinner is not how I determine whether I am being treated well by someone. I'm in my early 50s and discovered that guys today generally don't treat women to drinks or dinner anymore. Since becoming separated I don't date if I can't afford to pay myself, because the norm seems to be that we "go Dutch." Recently, I went on a date and the guy paid for dinner - it was a complete shock to me, as I did not expect it and no one has done that in a long time.

I'd rather someone listen to me when I talk, be willing to be affectionate, connect with me on a heart level, and be a considerate lover. I can buy my own baubles.
No, I don't think all women expect such things, although (I think) most women like receiving such gifts - and why not, to the right person I don't mind giving gifts that give them pleasure, as long as I don't bankrupt myself doing so. But this is a difference, you must admit - men on the whole do neither look for nor take that much pleasure from receiving gifts. You would have to get to know me extremely well to know the only gift that would really give me a lot of pleasure, and I would only accept it if I knew you could afford it easily. It's a set of scholarly publications that I just don't have the heart buying, since we live (like most families) on a budget, and these books are just too damn expensive.

As for going Dutch, today's mores have gone a bit too far. I am old-fashioned enough to at least offer to pay for a first meal, and would continue to offer afterwards, although I would draw the consequences if someone never offered to pay.

In fact, I did go out with a girl a few times this year. They were not quite dates, in the sense that the girl told me she was not ready for going poly, and in any case considered me to be too old for her taste. If you like, these were dates from my point of view but not from hers. But the poor girl was in such difficult financial circumstances that I didn't have the heart not to insist on paying for her lunches. Not because I expected anything, but simply out of sheer humanity. At some point I even thought I might be able to change her mind (or heart) about me - then discovered that I was simply not prepared to take on such a responsibility. A case of being more afraid of succeeding than of failing, I guess.
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