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Old 12-06-2012, 11:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amk View Post
I'm trying to keep and open mind and understand what polyamory is and how it can be for a couple like us. I know many of the posts seem to imply that you are either poly or your not.
Well, keep on reading - there is quite a diversity of opinion. Some people believe in that "wiring" idea, that one is either poly or not, while others don't. I look at polyamory as simply a structure for relationships, and a practice. As human beings, we have a wide array of choices in front of us, as to how we want to live our lives. We change and evolve and learn new ways of being throughout our lives, and it's just a matter of seeing what fits with who we are and what makes us happy and fulfilled.

Some people who say they are "wired poly" still have all kinds of difficulty and drama making it work, while others who say they just fell into it or decided to try it out are enormously successful and satisfied with it.

Some people look at poly as mostly a way to have more sex partners, while others find themselves in a conundrum of having fallen in love with more than one person, and still others decide it is right for them in order to expand the love in their life.

There are so many ways one can wind up "here" and so many reasons why it can or cannot work for any particular person. It all depends on what you put into it, and it sounds like you and your wife are both kind, thoughtful, loving people who are willing to explore slowly and not rush into anything. That is a great first step!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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