View Single Post
Old 12-05-2012, 02:30 PM
onoma onoma is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 78

Originally Posted by PolyLinguist View Post
Admittedly, I don't pay as much attention to my clothes as I probably should. I am also a bit overweight, I am working on that.

This matters for superficial contacts only, though. Maybe I am a bit too sure of myself, but I could easily name half a dozen women who would take me on tomorrow (well, maybe not tomorrow, but after very little persuasion), exactly the way I am. If I was single, that is...
If you think they want to sleep with you, why do you think they need you to be single? If you think these women want to sleep with you, but wouldn't because you're not single, why do you think polyamorous women wouldn't want to sleep with you? In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if some of them were more interested in you because you were in a relationship!

Sometimes they did sleep with me. It was always unexpected and not to be talked about afterwards.

What was there to talk about anyway?
I was asking about the one you were doting on, not all of them. Hadn't expected the two of you to actually have slept together, so cool.

One I would not have considered to be anything more than a friend, there were too many incompatibilities in our natures. What more can one say than what happened was very pleasant? I actually decided to turn romantic and took her a nice bunch of flowers the following day. She looked profoundly shocked (embarrassed?), and did not invite me in for coffee. We are still good friends, but what happened once was not even alluded to in subsequent meetings.
Had something similar happen too. I had a FWB for a few weeks, and one night after our friends left the bar I said it was nice to finally have some alone time. We never slept together again...

Basically, I had gone overboard. We weren't supposed to have feelings for each other, so when I said something "mushy" it was very much the wrong thing to do. Unless you're actually trying for a romantic relationship, leave the romance at home.

As I said elsewhere, this is not what I think. What I said was that for men like myself monogamy is a useful asset. If I had certain other assets aplenty, I would be out there sleeping with the most monogamous married women I could find, for they wouldn't be able to resist me. I know such men. But I can't be like them.
Here's the problem. If you think monogamy is a "useful asset" it sounds like you think you are bartering for sex. "I'll trade you a relationship for getting laid!"

Yet it sounds like you've slept with several women who were not at all interested in a relationship with you. In fact, in at least one case your relationship tendencies made things worse.

So what's your problem? Women want to sleep with you without wanting to be in a relationship with you. You just need to get over thinking that women want a relationship for sex. You also need to realize that you have plenty of actual qualities women have been, and will be, interested in that weren't your desire for a relationship.
Reply With Quote