Originally Posted by ladyjools
Im at the end of the road as far as explaining things to her in a way that doesn't frighten her or make her uncomfortable. I'm not sure where to go from here. Should i accept that she is not willing to meet him and just carry on living 2 seperate lifes?
sorry for ranting
The bottom line is this-
No one person can control ANY other person. (period)
So yes you need to let her do what she feels she needs to do and if that means SHE chooses to limit HER involvement in her life-that is her choice and that is her right.
Should you pretend to be (or in this case NOT be) anything? No. Absolutely not, that would create a lie in you-a lie you are creating and sharing with her. That's not good for you or her or your relationships with ANYONE-because who can trust a liar?
I suggest calmly telling her (one LAST time) something along these lines,
"mom, I love you. I treasure our time together and want for you to be a major player in my adult life. I am always going to be your loving daughter. Your loving daughter chooses to share her love with more than one person. At this time in my life I am sharing my romantic life with Mountainboy and ____. I love you enough I am not willing to degrade our relationship by lying to you. Because I love myself and my beloveds I won't degrade myself or my relationships with them by lying ABOUT or to them either.
I respect your right to do what you see fit for yourself. Therefore I am going to give you time to decide how much of my life you are willing to be involved in, I'll be waiting when you are ready to be a part of my life again."
Then it's time for the proverbial step back.
If she comes to your house-and you normally kiss the guys goodbye before leaving-then you do so. If you normally cuddle on the couch with them, you do so. Etc.
I presume you wouldn't normally strip down and have sex with them with your parents standing there
so don't. (that was just supposed to be a relax and smile once sentence by they way-not snarky!)
It's not easy-I won't lie to you. It's hard-ESPECIALLY when you love someone and treasure them in your life-to let them choose to distance themself. But the saying "if you love someone set them free....." is very true.
In order for your relationship (all of them really) to be real, true and whole, you must allow people the freedom to walk away if they so choose.