Hey, I don't really have any useful advice, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through this. Getting veto'ed SUCKS and what you're saying about feeling disrespected and like his feelings weren't authentic because he didn't fight for you, that all feels perfectly valid to me. In the end, it sounds to me like he was cowardly -- he didn't want to challenge his wife. You could do better, it's just a real shame that it took so long for that to become obvious.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.