Brakes applied with brute force
My secondary posts what happens best, so i'm just gonna copy/paste from her. We had a wonderful triad that is probably ending in divorce. I will be honest, I cannot give up my love for what I considered my second wife. Thoughts?
Quote from our third's facebook:
In November, I was provided an opportunity by a friend. One, that was very generous, and completely unexpected. I was at home, and a very good friend came over. One that I hadn't seen in a long time, due to a *huge* misunderstanding. He was in my home for what he came for, to fix my computer. He left, was gone for an hour, and came back.... quite to my suprise. When he came back, we had sex, some of the best sex I've had in my entire life. He had reassured me it was ok, and the next day, I took a flower to his wife. She and I sat down and talked. Had a long discussion about how it was ok, and how she wanted that for me, and that we'd like to start over and be friends, again. I very much wanted that too.
It was a very tenative start. Mainly because I really didn't know that it really was ok, I mean, really, in all effect, she was pimping out her husband for stud services. We started talking about a triad relationship. It kinda scared me. I mean, I was/am still in a relationship that's in limbo, still married, in the middle of divorce proceedings. But we found a way for it to work for all of us. So, I thought. I had talked to wife, and we had these discussions that were open and honest, and she encouraged me to figure out my feelings for her husband, to go ahead and love him, and to follow wherever it would take me. I told her that I loved her husband. That was THE scariest thing I think I've ever done. And when I told her, she hugged me, and told me not to hurt him. To love him, to think of him, to care for him and to consider him when I make my decisions. In return, I assured her that I very much wanted a relationship with her as well as him. That I loved her as well. I could really see myself loving both of them, and being with them. It felt like home. It was never my intent to be just with him, but with both of them.
I started spending every available weekend with them, during the week, I would take myself and the kids over there and they'd play, we even started combining the groceries. ***BTW, huge note here, because there are children involved, we never *ever* did anything personal or intimate infront of the kids. No touching, no holding hands....nada...That was one thing that was always very carefully observed. Any and all activities were done discretely with no children present.***
Up until about 2 or 3 weeks ago, it was all going pretty smoothly. Then all of a sudden, wife put the major breaks on, and slammed everything to a complete halt. And then put everything in to complete reverse. And I mean, balls to the wall, leaving skid marks and smoke reverse. So, in an effort to make sure things were ok, I tried to stay out of the discussions she had with her husband. After all, it wasn't my place, I was just a guest in their relationship, and really had no leg to stand on. I felt like my role in the relationship with them was only to enhance what they had together. Nothing for personal gain. When I saw it all going away, my heart just sorta clammed up. A second huge devestation to me in under 6 months time. It was a bit much. We were able to come together and get our project finished and to a Faire together in that weeks time. When we got back, things seemed to get better and better and better. She and I were talking more, and we were talking about more intimate subjects. More personal things, things that made us a 'couple'. I was so happy and excited about where we were headed, and was so in love, and started to feel comfortable again. She insisted that things were good, and getting better, and that she wanted me there.
This past weekend, they decided that divorce was their next option. While I know this is a huge devestation for both of them, and in all of this, my feelings don't really seem to matter, but to me, I really feel like I'm losing my family all over again. This hurts so much. While I can't and don't expect you to understand any of this.... I really don't want anyone pointing fingers at me. I've got my own 10 fingers and the all seem to find their way to point at me 100 times a day. This lifestyle is really outside the box, and it seemed to fit for 2 of us.... and I thought it fit for wife as well.... but ....well, I don't know why she said it was ok, when clearly it wasn't for her. I'm so frustrated. I'm so sad, and I really just miss my friend. I'm so sad that she is hurting, and I can't make it better for her, and I'm so sorry that she let it get this far without doing something about it. *sigh*
I'm just so sad, and I'm so sorry. I just needed to vent and say something. I love him, dearly, more than anything. He's made me soo happy. We connect on such a deep level, I don't know that I've ever been happier in my whole life. I love her so much, and I'm so mad at her for lying to me, and telling me everything was ok, when it wasn't, now its caused 2x the heartache. I'm mad because I'd finally found a way that worked for me, I'd found not only 1 person to love, but 2, and I did it without hesitation, and now my heart has been broke doubly, it feels like I've lost a best friend.
So, that kinda explains all the morose status updates for me. Sorry I can't be more joyful.