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Old 12-04-2012, 01:45 PM
onoma onoma is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 78

[QUOTE=PolyLinguist;170412]Hi Onoma, thank you for taking my thoughts seriously, and for going to the trouble of answering them.

No prob.

Actually, I have lived on four continents - just on three with my wife. And of course I have an accent, I am Hungarian by birth. Think George Soros, if you ever heard him - although I don't have his billions.
Never heard George speak, but I have a Hungarian friend so...

...but whether I am attractive enough for them to want to sleep with me without a mono bond is the question.

There's that insecurity again. A good portion of what women find attractive is your attitude. An even bigger portion is your clothes. Stupid, Ugly guys who are confident and well dressed get laid. Smart, reasonably attractive guys mostly shoot themselves in the foot by over thinking things and being insecure.

Here we are getting into another area, worthy of discussion in another thread. What do you mean by interested?

One of these friends I was totally infatuated with at one time, oh she could be very certain of that. I would have done anything for her, including marry her on the spot, and she knew it. I became quite good at writing love letters - these were pre-e-mail times. And I succeeeded too, to a certain extent - but in the end she married someone else, more is the pity. (Although I am pretty sure my marriage with her wouldn't have fared as well in the long term as my actual one)
In other words you were in the friend zone. What do you mean by succeeded to a certain extent?

But that's because I really wanted her. Other female friends were OK, and they could have bedded me if they wanted to (and some did, at least once or twice),
If they wanted too... look, individuality aside there's actually a lot of pressure on women NOT to make a first move as there's still a certain amount of judgement in our society. There even seems to be some subconscious reasons that women prefer when men make the first move. It taps into that whole confidence thing. Boldness counts.

Even if they wanted to, most women won't say anything until you do.

but I was not in love with them, and it's difficult to express such sentiments very well without hurting someone's feelings and possibly endangering the friendship. Especially in a mono world.
It can be difficult if you put too much importance on things. You have this overarching idea that women only want sex in terms of a monogamous relationship. Or at least that monogamy is something you can barter for sex. Think about it though... if that were true, there wouldn't even BE a polyamorous world. Or at least not a heterosexual one...

There's nothing wrong with telling someone you think they're attractive. There's nothing wrong with flirting. In fact, the only thing you should worry about is being clear about your intentions in regards to not wanting a relationship. In fact, that should all be even easier in a poly setting.

Just try not to be vulgar about it.


Thanks, and I'll drink a toast to you at the next poly party I go to!
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