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Old 12-04-2012, 04:13 AM
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Sparklepop- thank you so much, you have some wonderful questions and suggestions! I haven't figured out the "quote" on here yet- my laptop croaked and I am trying to do this on my iPad- so I apologize for the clunkiness of my reply, but I would enjoy some more feedback if you all are willing!
How is the controlling, regarding yourself, nowadays?

BF and I had pretty much called it quits- we were still friends, but nothing sexual for a few months. And then we started to pick up again- we missed each other, it was painful- especially for me. When we began seeing each other again, I received an email from his wife. She basically stated that if BF and I were going to continue to see each other, she had new rules. She expected to be included in all "fun" plans, and if I was inviting him to do something, I should expect her to come as well. We are not "out" to all of my friends (and none of theirs) so this expectation wasn't really great news to me... But I missed him terribly. We agreed to a FWB situation, which has been much less intense and less controlling. But we still love each other, so that.... Complicates things!

How often do you see wife? Do you ever see her alone, or always with him? How often would you like?

It made sense to jump to this question. For the most part I see her with him. In the beginning there were a couple of times that it was just her- I know they were hoping that we would become close friends as well. She and I did and do communicate directly through email/text. We both agreed this last time to go to each other directly if there were issues, because BF is not a good communicator either. Yeah, we are a great match... And I am VERY careful as far as what I say about the wife, as I know I am on the losing side if it comes down to that battle. He can just tell with how we interact- I just don't have much to talk about with her, that doesn't involve him or the kids.

In the early days, I had made up a compromise- I would do "group outings" as long as I got one night (4-5 hours, didn't demand overnight, and schedule permitting of course- I am realistic re:family stuff) a week. It worked initially but then I seemed to get less and less. Which led me to pull back from the group outings.. And then we blew up. Recently, we had one night (an overnight for my birthday:-).. And since then it has been all group outings- about 5-6 outings, with no alone time. It's wearing on me- I have so much I am trying to work out, and I have been telling him I need some alone time for a few weeks. But I should say- he has been working crazy hours and his mother is very ill, so it isn't entirely his fault- there is a lot going on.

How often do you currently see BF? How often would you like to see him? Middle ground - how often do you think is possible and fair with your arrangement and his commitments?


Right now we are down to once every 2 weeks or so, if I'm lucky. As I mentioned, he is dealing with an illness in the family and a crazy work schedule. I asked him on Sat that if we cannot see each other, if he could check in with me and reassure me that I would appreciate it. That I needed him to do this to show that I am still important to him. I don't need a 10 page dissertation every day- but is a daily text too much to ask? Is it??

I don't have the greatest self esteem in the world, and he tends to not understand this. His response was "your self esteem should not be a factor in this, I have a problem with that." Which is exactly the response I was hoping for of course (I really need a sarcasm font. Seriously!).

I'm feeling very down about how this is all going- I finally gutted up and poured out my insecurities and how he could help me, and he has not followed through with anything yet. But it's only been 2 days, so I'm willing to try and be patient. Not one of my strongest assets either..

Feeling very sad tonight. I hope I answered all your questions, I'm a little ADD tonight as well. Thanks again for your ideas and suggestions, I will read some more of your posts as we seem to have some similarities of situation.

Last edited by Random; 12-04-2012 at 05:19 AM.
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